


They Tried to Fuck but Then it Got Weird

by NanakiBH



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, First Time, M/M, Masturbation, Tsukikane Week, Virginity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-19
Updated: 2014-12-19
Packaged: 2018-03-02 06:09:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2802353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanakiBH/pseuds/NanakiBH
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This wasn't exactly how he had envisioned things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	They Tried to Fuck but Then it Got Weird

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Day 1 of Tsukikane Week; First Times.

“Oh, don't worry. I'm going to give you what you deserve.”

Those words sent a shiver of anxious anticipation down Tsukiyama's spine. With a soft, throaty groan, he rubbed himself back against Kaneki, feeling his hardness pressing against him through his pants. His own cock was hard, trapped uncomfortably in the stupidly tight pair of pants he decided to wear. If he had known that today would finally be the day when their heated tension came to a head, he would've worn something a little more comfortable.

Nah, that was a joke. He wouldn't have changed anything for the world. He was happy with how things had gone. He loved feeling Kaneki's eyes on him as he walked around wearing those temptingly tight pants. He loved how painfully hard it made him feel, knowing that he was being watched. More than that, he loved knowing that he was completely at Kaneki's mercy. In the beginning, he never would have thought that he would want something like this, but now it felt inevitable.

This was the conclusion they had always been heading towards.

“Take off your clothes,” Kaneki ordered.

Kaneki's hands left his hips and he was suddenly pushed forward. Stumbling, he collapsed onto Kaneki's bed and quickly righted himself, turning around to face him. When he looked up, he found Kaneki looking down at him expectantly, waiting for him to do as he told him. Knowing that Kaneki was watching made his whole body feel hot. His palms felt a little clammy, his mouth dry, but he brought his shaky hands to his waist and began to unfasten his belt.

After he had it worked out of its loops, he looked back up, hesitantly meeting Kaneki's gaze, and noticed an unusual look in his eyes. His face was red and his lower lip was pulled between his teeth. His shoulders looked tense, his hands balled into fists at his sides.

“Shouldn't you undress as well?” he asked. Inside, he told his fingers to keep moving when they began to slow on the buttons of his shirt. He wasn't going to admit it aloud, but the truth was that he'd never done something like this before. No matter how much he thought about it, unfortunately, he didn't feel as confident about it as he expected himself to be. He was a fine, handsome man with power at his fingertips. He wasn't a boy anymore. He had confidence to spare... So why did it feel like it all ran away when Kaneki was watching?

“I...” Kaneki blinked like he was just returning to reality and looked down at himself. He tried to return his scowl to his face, but it didn't seem as convincing as it had before, now that his face was looking so red. “You aren't the one giving the orders. Shut up and take off the rest of your clothes already. I don't like waiting.”

He was acting strangely, but Tsukiyama couldn't disobey him. Taking a breath, he finished unbuttoning his shirt and shrugged it off his shoulders. The second it was off, he felt unusually aware of the fact that Kaneki had never seen him without his shirt before. He'd seen Kaneki shirtless plenty of times like when they were training, and when he got out of the shower, and when he needed to measure him for his battle suit, but he never really... personally had a reason to be shirtless in front of him.

It wasn't that he was self-conscious or anything, but...

He was feeling self-conscious. It was just this one moment. It was just because of nerves, he told himself. This was fine. He was still hard, so everything seemed to be going the way that it was supposed to go. More or less.

Granted, he never thought that he would like the thought of being dominated. He probably needed a few days to sort that out in his head still. His body was definitely ready for whatever Kaneki wanted to give him, but something else was making him feel extremely uneasy and nervous about where things were heading.

When Kaneki noticed him looking, he narrowed his eyes and snapped, “What are you stopping for? Pay attention to what you're doing.”

He did. He kept going until he had everything off. By the time he reached his pants, his eyes were swirling in dizzy circles, and he needed to motivate himself a little first before he was able to push them down. It felt like it took forever. He never realized how long it took to get undressed before.

“ _Stupid pervert..._ ” he heard Kaneki mutter.

He glanced up, daring to take another look at Kaneki, and found that he had also finished taking off his clothes. He stood there with his hands still at his sides, occasionally raising them to hold them together in front of himself or rub at his arms, looking like he really didn't know what to do with them when he didn't have any pockets to put them in. His cock was fully hard, curving up toward his stomach with interest. Just looking at it made Tsukiyama swallow, but it made him aware of how naked he was again, and he looked down at his own bare legs which suddenly looked too long and too thin.

Something needed to be done to break the ice before the whole room froze over.

“So, what did you have in mind for me?” he asked, trying to sound seductive. Instead, it came out sounding more intimidated than expected.

“Oh... O-oh, I know what I have planned for you...” Kaneki said, moving toward him slowly with stiff legs. When he reached the bed, he put one knee down at his side and leaned over him. For a second, Tsukiyama felt positive that he was going to go in for a kiss, but nothing came. He stayed there, just staring at him, unable to move in for the kiss that felt all but inevitable.

Closing his eyes, Kaneki let out a sigh and stood up, backing away.

“I think we should stop for a second.”

Tsukiyama sputtered. “But... But we were just going to get to the good part, weren't we?”

“Yeah, I hate to disappoint, but...” He scratched at his cheek and looked aside, holding his other arm around his waist as if that were going to be enough to cover him. “Is it just me or is this really weird?”

No, it definitely wasn't just him. The second things started to heat up, something felt weird. “Oui... Uh- I'm just... You know,” he muttered vaguely, trying to get out what he was trying to say, hoping that Kaneki would simply understand.

“No, you're what?”

If he was really going to make him say it, then Tsukiyama was half-tempted to open the window and jump out. “You know,” he said definitively, his tone drawn tight as he stared off into a far corner of the room.

Kneeling down, Kaneki picked up his clothes and held them in front of himself. He shuffled his bare feet, keeping his eyes lowered. “So you're, uh... You're one too, then.”

Tsukiyama shot up and even his cock gave a hopeful twitch, yet unfazed by this sudden turn of events. Who knew that he would've been this lucky? Now he was hoping that they could turn things around and return to the page they left off on. “Kaneki-kun, are you saying what I think you're saying?”

“You're a virgin too, you idiot. Don't try to make it sound like something special and sacred.”

“B-but it is,” he said, his heart pounding now, excitement escalating. “That means that I'd be the first person to touch you...”

“And I'd be the first person to touch you, too,” Kaneki cruelly reminded him, hitting him with another strong wave of embarrassment. “See? Now you remember why you felt weird, right? I can't believe that we were really, actually about to do it...”

It was like he enjoyed kicking him while he was down. “Don't be like that, Kaneki-kun! See, you're still hard, too. Maybe if we just try to think about things differently...”

Kaneki stayed quiet for a moment, still shifting around, looking a little cold now. “How about this? Do you think you could... touch me instead?”

That was definitely another way of approaching the situation, but that forced the ball into his court and Tsukiyama didn't have any idea what he was supposed to do with it now that it was in his hands. He looked around as if he would find the answer written on the walls somewhere, but ultimately turned his eyes back to the one who stood in front of him, waiting for him to respond. Rearranging himself on the bed, he grabbed his own clothes and laid his jacket over his lap to hide his embarrassingly hard cock.

Thinking about what it would be like to touch Kaneki did things to him. Now that he was naked, he could smell his scent more clearly and it made him want to get on his knees for him, but reality was getting in the way. He wasn't there yet. He wasn't strong enough to do something like that on his own. When they started this, that was why he thought he would be able to go through with it. If Kaneki used a commanding hand and ordered him to do something, then he would've had no problem. If he told him to get on the floor and suck his dick, he would've done it without question. His heart would've been pounding the way it was right now, but he would've been able to do it.

Now, after giving it so much thought, his own thoughts were what were preventing him.

It was something really dumb and silly that they should have been able to avoid, but here they were. They had reached an impasse.

“But what are we supposed to do about this now?” he asked, rubbing the heel of his palm against himself through his jacket. “How about we lend each other a hand?”

“You can give yourself a hand. Handle it yourself,” Kaneki said. Despite the scowl he gave him, there was none of the usual, fierce heat in his voice. It sounded more like he was ready to kick him out and hide in his room by himself and Tsukiyama really didn't want things to end that way.

Besides, he couldn't just leave now; not while he was like this.

“Can I at least wait it out for a minute or two? I don't want to go back downstairs and risk having anyone see me looking like this.” Since they didn't get very far, it would be easy to brush his hair back into place and straighten out any minor wrinkles in his suit, but the whole boner thing would have been kind of obvious.

After he silently reviewed their options, Kaneki came over and sat down next to him. When Tsukiyama tried to turn to look at him, Kaneki elbowed him in the side and told him to turn around and face the other way. “Don't look,” he said. “I don't feel like waiting it out. If you want to give it a minute or whatever, then that's up to you. Let's just say that I won't be looking, so whatever happens behind me isn't going to be any of my business.”

Basically, he was saying that they could get off together. He wasn't allowed to look, and he probably wasn't allowed to touch either, but it was really exciting to know that Kaneki was going to be right there beside him, touching himself. Tsukiyama's breathing got a little harder just thinking about it. Before he even realized what he was doing, his hand had slipped under his jacket to circle around himself. He held it there for a minute, just waiting and listening. As he tuned his ears to the silence, he was able to pick up on the quiet sounds of Kaneki's hand moving over his skin.

He was moving slowly, like he was doing the same thing; waiting to hear what he was up to. Realizing that he might've been waiting for him and getting uncomfortable, Tsukiyama pushed this jacket from his lap and finally began to put a little more purpose into the way he moved his hand.

They hadn't been doing it for very long, but he swore that he could already smell the scent of Kaneki's cum in the air. A little bit of it was already probably starting to leak from the tip. Being nervous must have made Kaneki feel just as aroused as he was feeling, each breath he quietly kept to himself making his heart race faster.

It was a big bed, but the whole room felt small when Kaneki was so close. He desperately wanted to turn around and watch him, but he didn't like the thought of getting stabbed for it, either. This was already pretty good. He was definitely going to be able to get off like this. It was hard to believe that they were even doing something like this, that things had turned out in his favor after months of nothing but uneasy tension and distrustful stares.

He was so much closer to eating him now ...and to having his body.

If this taught him one thing, it was the importance of patience. It was a virtue, after all. Good things came to those who waited. Waiting and spending time with him and shown him how much he enjoyed being in Kaneki's presence, had proven to him what a fascinating person he was. It wasn't just his flesh he was after.

“Kaneki,” he said softly, openly panting.

Near him, he heard Kaneki make a sound. It was hard to determine what it meant, but it sort of sounded like he enjoyed hearing him say his name.

Feeling a little bold, he asked, “Do you feel good?” There was no immediate response, so he continued. “This isn't so bad. If you don't mind me saying, you smell really good right now. It makes me wish I could taste you, but... Don't worry. I'm a good boy now. I'll do whatever you tell me to do. Remember that for the future, maybe.”

Kaneki hummed. “If we should ever find ourselves in this position again, I'll be sure to keep that in mind.” The bed shifted a little. Without looking, Tsukiyama could tell that he was leaning back now, supporting himself with one hand behind him on the bed. “You're a hell of a guy, Tsukiyama-san – a real piece of work. You're seriously fucked up; lower than garbage. You make me sick, but then look at me. I'm not like myself anymore. I don't even know who I am now. To think that I'd be into a disgusting person like you...”

“ _Fuck_ ,” Tsukiyama growled. He tried to tighten his fingers around the base of his cock, but precum was already freely oozing from the tip.

“I knew it,” Kaneki breathed. “You love it whenever I tell you what I really think of you, don't you? You love getting stepped on. You want me to keep you down. Why don't you tell me about how much you love it?”

Tsukiyama sucked in a breath, still trying to keep himself from coming. If he said what he felt out loud, it was just going to push him over the edge, but he wanted to feel the rush that came with exposing himself in front of Kaneki. It didn't matter whether they were naked. It didn't matter whether they touched. At that moment, he realized that Kaneki knew all of the secrets he normally tried to keep hidden behind a smile. He saw him for the person he really was, even when he didn't understand himself.

“No matter what I do...” He clenched his teeth together tightly, grinding them, frustrated and aroused by what he had to say. “No matter what I do, you see right through me. You know what I want even more than I do. I can tell. There isn't anyone else who would satisfy me.”

He was right at the edge, so close, but his hand stilled and he gripped himself a little too tightly when he suddenly felt Kaneki lean against his side.

“Don't look,” he told him.

Tsukiyama wanted to obey, but his eyes did what they wanted and quickly glanced in Kaneki's direction. There were much more interesting things happening down lower, but, for some reason, his eyes went straight to his face. The second he saw the look of uninhibited pleasure on Kaneki's face, he bit out a groan and came without warning, splattering cum across his own stomach and down his fist.

Hearing him coming, Kaneki's movements hastened until Tsukiyama heard his breathing gradually even out. Once they were both settled, Kaneki moved away from him and quickly retrieved a box of tissues. He handed a few of them to him, then immediately got up to start putting his clothes back on.

“Just like that, we're done, huh,” Tsukiyama said, absently cleaning up the mess he left on his stomach.

“What, do you think we're supposed to cuddle now or something?”

If it meant that he would get to enjoy Kaneki's scent for a little bit longer, then that didn't sound that bad. After coming that hard, relaxing for a little sounded pretty nice, even.

“Don't start getting any ideas now,” Kaneki said, determined to serve him a cold dish of harsh reality. “It's not like we're together or something. This was just an experiment. I was just trying something different. If it happens again, you should think of it as a fluke.”

Ah, of course. And if it happened again after that, then that was also a fluke. Then the time after _that_ would, naturally, be a fluke as well, and so on.

Kaneki tried to make it sound like he wasn't interested in doing it with him again, but he was making quite a point of hiding his face as he dressed himself. Feeling very satisfied about the way that things had concluded from what began as an awkward encounter, Tsukiyama finally stood up and got redressed.

By Kaneki's silence, he could tell that he wasn't wanted there any longer, but he just couldn't help himself. While his back was still turned to him, he crept up behind him and placed a kiss to his neck. If he had stronger foresight, he would've seen Kaneki's fist coming in time to dodge it. Instead, he ended up with a nice imprint of his fist in the side of his face.

“Sh-shit. You surprised me,” Kaneki gasped.

Tsukiyama pressed a hand against his aching cheek and a grin spread across his face. “You didn't mean to hit me?” he sung with a sly voice. “Don't tell me... Was that your first kiss?”

Kaneki stared. “That doesn't count.”

“So it was.”

With his smarting cheek as a reminder of the pain he would receive if he stayed, he gave a playful bow, then quickly hightailed it to the door of Kaneki's room. Unless he wanted to get eviscerated, he knew that it was time for him to get out of there. As his hand reached the door, his knees got weak, his mind filling with all the kinds of things that they might do the next time he returned to his room. Cautiously, he turned to look at him one more time and offered him a more coy smile.

“Until next time,” he promised and took his leave.


End file.
